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  • Writer's pictureCrystal

The Dark Place of Fear


I read of another suicide today. Those headlines only tell part of the story. They tell of the battle lost. They tell that fear won and God's kingdom has another hole in it.


People judge based on the facts they read. Someone who seems to be successful took their life is the fact they read. Then they think "why or how could they?" But the facts only reveal the end of the battle.


The battle is in the mind. It is a secret battlefield that is closed to the public. Shame hides here along with its best friend, Fear. These two seem to be joined at the hip. Fear plays a big part in shame (this kind of shame is not about your own actions which leads to regret or repentance). When the battle of worthlessness flairs up (this is part of shame's story-convincing someone they are not enough), fear takes center stage. Fear plays the "what if" game.


"What if" someone finds out the deep thoughts I have? "What if" I check myself into a facility to get help? "What if" I admit I am weak and need help? Fear feeds these thoughts and starves the reality of the truth of I need help with a problem, I want to feel healthy, and I am not strong enough to handle everything that's going on in here.


I have experienced suicidal thoughts. The battle never ends. I am better prepared for the battle because I understand my need for hope that only comes through Christ. I have heard people say things like "they just need Jesus" when they hear of suicide. I wish it was that simple.


It is more than just accepting Christ as your Savior. It is about the relationship you have with him through scripture and prayer. It is about having scriptures that speak to your battleground, your heart (or mind).


When I am in my lowest of lows, I know God is with me because I have read it countless times in scripture (Matthew 28:20; Isaiah 41:10; Joshua 1:9; Psalm 46:7, Hebrews 13:5). I also know that God will comfort me (Job 5:11; Isaiah 41:10; John 16:33; Roman's 8:28 2 Corinthians 1:3). Because I know God is with me and He comforts me, I have hope. I have stood on the edge of a high rise building, looking down at the ground and felt the desire to step off; however, I also felt God saying, "No, I have plans for you."


Whatever dark thoughts lead you to consider stopping the pain of living, please know that there is help. Don't listen to the voice that says "you don't matter" or "they would be better off without me." Because the "they" you think might be better off just might be battling the same battle silently too. By sharing your battle, you might be saving another on the verge of losing their own battle. Let's heal the holes in the Kingdom with stories of hope, healing, and love.

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