I looked forward to being an empty nester. Those moments when the house was loud was usually when I thought it will be great to be an empty nester. I counted down the years, months, days. And then it happened. It happened a while ago, but it finally happened. Silence. Glorious I can hear myself think silence.
I have not posted a blog lately. You have experienced a silence from me that I have not wanted to share. My laptop has several started blogs, some are even completed, but none posted. It has not been intentional, but more of a I need to wait kind of thing. So, I waited. This morning I could hear the silence, that deafening silence that screams at you.
I have strived to point my blogs to God. But as I have been writing lately, I noticed a disconnect between what I was writing and the actual pointing it to God. So, I took a break. I have been in scripture and in prayer. But last night I realized I was not engaged in either. I was reading and praying, but not really mental engaged.
It has become more of a checklist. Also, I tell God what I want, what I need and all my problems. I talk a great talk, but in reality, I had become a numb follower. It had not occurred to me to ask God what He wanted, what problem He had that He needed me involved in, or to just sit and thank Him for all He has given me. I may have done those things in the past, but not currently. Prayer had become a habit. Yes, a good habit, but not really.
Yesterday, God spoke. Then again last night. When reading scripture, I read about Mary Magdalene’s encounter with the Angels & Jesus at the tomb after Jesus’ resurrection. I cried. It was not the first time I have read it; however, it was the first time I cried while reading it. The thought that a beloved teacher would stand before you again after His death and call you by name, moved me beyond words. You see, I put myself in her shoes. To hear my name, to see my Savior, teacher & friend. I was actually engaged in my scripture reading.
Then last night I was reading a chapter in Growing Up by Robby Gallaty, when something he wrote jumped off the page. Those are the moments I know God is trying to get my attention. “We are quick to ask for what we desire or feel that we need, but rarely do we ask for what God desires.” Wait, you mean I have been praying wrong for years?!? Yes and no. But it was a moment of clarity for me. I have been making my prayers about my desires. When I pray for others, it is out of selfish need or want. I pray for my child out of my selfish desires. I pray for a friend because they ask me to. My prayers are all about me talking AT God, instead of TO God. Heart not engaged at times. Yes, I mean what I pray, but it is a one-sided prayer. I fail to ask God His desires. I fail to ask God; it is more of a tell God.
Which all brings me to silence. Sometimes silence can be a good thing. It allows us to hear the voice of God. It allows us to rest. The silence in a house that was once loud is an acquired “taste”, one that I enjoy. However, with the holidays approaching, I am reminded of past holidays with a full family in the house. Sometimes loud & noisy means love. Sometimes God uses the silence to remind us of those moments.
One of my Favorite verse is Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.” There are times we need silence, the stillness that comes with it just so that we can be with God. To find rest in Him. We do not need to do anything; He is able to do it all. We just need to stop, sit and be with Him. To know Him is to experience His Peace. He is worthy of praise…
