Hello Doubt, My Old Friend
Why do we doubt? Big question, right? What do you doubt? That is probably a bigger question for some people. I doubt myself. I doubt my abilities and my talents.
Honest, I am that. I struggle with doubt. It is easy to “wonder” about things. It is how a child learns. I am talking about a different type of wonder when I am talking about doubt. I wonder why I write. I wonder if anyone really reads my blog. I wonder if God is really speaking.
I doubt my abilities in most areas of my life. I do not doubt my cooking abilities. I know I can cook. I have the ability to take on difficult recipes and succeed (most of the time). When I fail at a recipe, I beat myself up and then move on. But in my writing, I am easily discouraged. In my discouragement, I stop. I simple do not continue to write. (There is a reason I have long periods of time between blogs)
But let’s get to the real reason for this post, God. Do you doubt God? Church answers aside, no one is around to hear you…do you doubt God? Not if there is a God, but do you doubt He is talking to you? Or that He has a purpose for you? When you hear a preacher talking, do you hear him talking TO you? Or do you think he is talking to someone else?
God talks. Are you listening? I can tell you from experience that if you are not listening and it is something HE wants YOU to do, He WILL get your attention somehow. I have tried to plug my ears when He has spoken to me about a few things, missions is one of them. He taps me on the back of the head every now and then, but I keep pushing back. He keeps tapping.
But He got my attention back in June about my cooking. He is developing something that I am to be a part of. I cannot say how many times I have asked Him “give me peace” or “show me”. He does and yet, here I am asking again. So, do you doubt God. I can say yes to that question. The second part of that question is, “Do you TRUST God?”
Trust and Doubt go hand in hand. If you trust 100%, the you will doubt 0%. Right? Isn’t that what we were taught in Sunday School. If that were true, the Thomas would not have had to touch the scars. Or the gentleman would not have had to say, “Help my unbelief.” We want control. Period. It is that simple. We want to control every part of our lives and God is a part of our lives. We want to control God. (Oooo, did that hurt? Cause writing it did me!)
Surrender. Trust and Surrender also go hand in hand. We have to trust in order to surrender. I had someone give the illustration that you cannot receive love with a closed fist. If you are hanging on to whatever, you cannot receive anything else until you let go. Until you surrender control. Are you in a place where God is trying to tell you something, but you cannot receive the message because it would disrupt your control?
The book I have been working through is a 40-day book. I started in May. I should be finished and on to living my purpose by now. But sadly, I argued with God. It took me two and three days to complete one day’s assignment. Then I had to argue with God more, so I am a little behind. But the lesson I am learning isn’t about God, but me. God is God, He is good at being God, but I keep trying to control Him. I try to force the answers to the questions in the book to reflect what I want. Is there any doubt why I doubt God? I doubt because I cannot seem to surrender control.
Philippians 1: 6 “being confident of this, that he who began a GOOD work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (NIV, emphases added). I usually skip the first part when I read this verse, I have an issue with confidence. But Paul said he was confident that HE who began a good work. In this short verse, we can be confident that He who started a good work in us will see it to the end. Surrendering because I trust Him to see this work to the end. It is not about me anymore, but about the one who started the mission He has for me.