I am not a sand kind of girl. Not a sun worshipper either. But I do enjoy a balcony overlooking the water, listening to the waves crashing on the beach, and the beauty of nature. I love birdwatching and sometimes there isn’t anything better than sitting and watching the pelicans fish. Their grace astounds me, their skill mesmerizes me, they truly amaze me.
In the last 24 hours, I have gone from a place of uncertainty to a place of rest. I have not gotten the official results from my mammogram, but I was able to get enough information to put any fears to rest. No matter how many times I say, “I trust you God”, there was still a small place of fear in my mind. Our standard Christian answer when God asks the question “Do you trust me?” is “yes”. But sometimes, He asks us again with a “really” thrown in there. “Do you really Trust me, Crystal?”
It became more than lip service when I admitted my fears. I told God I did not want cancer and I did not want to go through what my Mother did. But then something in me changed as I wrote & read scriptures. As I blogged about what I was going through, God revealed Himself to me in a much more personal way. I stopped questioning, I stopped playing the “what-if” game. I started saying things like, “This is my mountain and it needs to meet MY God” or “If I am going to go through cancer, then allow my life to be a God-honoring one no matter my circumstances.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” These verses are a checklist of a sort for your life. Rejoice always in all circumstances. Pray without ceasing in all circumstances. And then, give thanks in all circumstances. The key phrase for me is “in all circumstances”. It isn’t just when we have a reason to rejoice or when we are in trouble, it is ALL circumstances.
So, these verses became a reality check for me. Am I rejoicing in this cancer scare I am dealing with? Am I praying without ceasing during this time? Am I able to give thanks for all of the process to get the answers I needed? Yes, Yes, and Yes! This time brought me closer to my Creator, my Lord and MY SAVIOR! He showed me verses that I needed. He gave me the gift of friends who were willing to pray for me. He gave me the gift of a friend that said, “Let’s runaway to the beach after your appointment!”
So, last night as we sat on the balcony overlooking the gulf, we listened to the waves and watched the stars come out one by one. Then we saw shooting stars (6 total). We were able to identify the planets in our starry sky. But more than that, we were able to be with God on His terms, in the moment. The relaxation was almost immediate. I played a song in a moment of alone time that really summed it up. “Stars” by Skillet was my worship song. Here are the lyrics:
You spoke a word and life began
Told the oceans where to start and where to end
You set in motion time and space
But still You come and You call to me by name
But still You come and You call to me by name.
If You can hold the stars in Place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the One who holds the stars
The deepest depths, the darkest nights
Can’t separate, can’t keep me from Your sight
I get so lost, forget my way
But still You love and You don’t forget my name.
If You can hold the stars in place
You can hold my heart the same
Whenever I fall away
Whenever I start to break
So here I am, lifting up my heart
If You can calm the raging sea
You can calm the storm in me
You’re never too far away
You never show up too late
So here I am, lifting up my heart
To the one who holds the stars
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
Your love has called my name
What do I have to fear?
What do I have to fear?
If you get a chance, listen to this beautiful song. It offers a peace that only comes from God. If you are facing something that has you fearful, read Psalm 103. It is a long Psalm, so I won’t type it here, but it is a Psalm of hope.
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